Pastors’ wives have a unique, often overlooked, role in the life of a church, supporting the women of the congregation and supporting the pastor himself. She may not hold an official title, but her impact cannot be overstated.
These are some of the many reasons why this month we’re celebrating Pastors’ Wives Appreciation Month.
A pastor’s wife is not only a companion to her husband, the church’s pastor; she also can serve as an inviting hand to the women of the church. This is sometimes a role she asked for, and sometimes is a role she’s simply found herself in. Either way, it is not without its challenges.
It can even feel somewhat hidden. “It’s surprising that a person in the spotlight can be invisible,” said Alyssa, a pastor’s wife for over 20 years. “That’s how I felt as a pastor’s wife—under constant scrutiny but unknown. Eventually, I hit a wall. I could no longer cope with the stress and disappointments of ministry on my own.”
“Probably the biggest struggle pastors’ wives face is loneliness,” said Megan Hill, a pastor’s wife and the author of the book, Partners in the Gospel: 50 Meditations for Pastors’ and Elders’ Wives. “Many feel like they don’t quite fit into their local church because they’re married to one of the elders. Being in that position can sometimes make it hard to talk about things going on in your life, which creates a sense of isolation.”
This is a common refrain heard among wives of pastors. According to a 2018 survey facilitated by PCA Retirement & Benefits (RBI), nine out of ten pastors’ wives believe they are perceived differently than other women in their church. This often leads to isolation and greater stress for many wives.
Hopefully by now it goes without saying: pastors’ wives need our encouragement and support. Here are some practical ways you can encourage your pastor’s wife.
#1: Recognize that every pastor’s wife is unique
The first thing church leaders need to recognize, says Megan, is that every pastor’s wife is unique. Let’s not make the mistake of putting pastors’ wives into a certain box.
“Sometimes pastors’ and elders’ wives feel that people in the church have certain expectations of them that don’t really match who God has created them to be,” said Megan. “As Paul says, each part of the body is unique and vital. So, seek to appreciate them according to the gifts God has given them.”
#2: Reach out in friendship, even if it’s a small gesture
The second way to support your pastor’s wife is to reach out in friendship. As we noted earlier, many pastors’ and elders’ wives struggle with loneliness. So anything you can do to reach out in friendship is great, even if it’s small. Megan illustrated this point with a recent story:
“A few weeks ago a woman from our church texted me a picture of her new haircut,” said Megan. “It’s a small, silly thing but it made me so happy because I thought, ‘This is what friends do. They get a new haircut and text their friends a picture.’”
“Sometimes what your pastor’s wife needs isn’t some deep spiritual encouragement (although that’s great), but simply a text saying, ‘Hey, let’s go shopping,’ or ‘Hey, let’s go out for coffee.’ Those help your pastor’s wife remember she belongs and she’s loved as an ordinary friend.”
#3 Enable your pastor’s wife to get free counseling through Cherish
Counseling can provide a necessary outlet for pastors’ wives to share their struggles with ministry, marriage, or mental health while getting professional, confidential, faith-informed guidance.
Cherish, a program of the Ministerial Relief Fund, provides access to affordable and confidential Christian counseling to PCA pastors’ wives. Cherish has seen explosive growth in new users over the past few years, solidifying our conviction that this service is deeply needed.
“Cherish provided me with a counselor who could bring the gospel to me afresh and help me apply it to my present situation,” said Alyssa, a pastor’s wife. “I was able to talk about my marriage, my children, and my pain in ministry without fear of judgment. My counselor helped me to see Jesus caring for me, in the midst of my storm.”
Another pastor’s wife put it this way:
“Cherish provided me a safe place to heal and be refreshed. Thank you for caring not only for pastors but their wives as well. I feel like we are finally being seen.”
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To learn more about Cherish, click here.
Click here to make a donation to Cherish and help pastors’ wives like Alyssa get free, confidential counseling.
For more than 50 years, Geneva Benefits Group has been committed to serving those who serve the Church. Established by the PCA General Assembly in 1973, Geneva was entrusted with a clear and enduring mission: to care for pastors, ministry workers, and their families—not just in seasons of flourishing but in moments of real need.
At the heart of that mission is the Relief Fund.
The Relief Fund exists to provide financial assistance and compassionate support to PCA pastors, widows, and ministry families facing hardship. Whether the need arises from illness, loss, or unexpected crisis, the goal is simple: to ensure that those who have given their lives to ministry are not left to carry those burdens alone.
This work is overseen by the Geneva team and guided by people who understand ministry life firsthand. Many on our team are pastors themselves and have spent years walking alongside ministry families. Financial planners, staff members, and committee leaders bring both professional expertise and pastoral care to every situation.
Because behind every application is a real story.
A Thoughtful and Pastoral Application Process
The Relief Fund is available to PCA pastors, widows, and ministry families experiencing financial hardship. The circumstances vary, but often include medical crises, disability, loss of income, or the death of a pastor—leaving a spouse or family navigating both grief and financial uncertainty.
Applying for assistance is designed to be a private, respectful, and pastoral experience. Applicants are invited to share their circumstances in a way that helps Geneva understand both the financial need and the broader context of their situation. Financial information is gathered but always with an emphasis on dignity, confidentiality, and care.
No one is treated like a number. Every application represents a person, a family, and a story that matters.
How Relief Fund Grants Are Prayerfully Distributed
Once an application is submitted, it is carefully reviewed by Geneva’s Financial Assistance Committee. This team includes financial leaders, pastoral staff, and experienced advisors who bring both wisdom and compassion to the process.
Each request is approached with prayerful discernment. In many cases, applicants also meet with a Geneva financial planner to gain a clearer understanding of their financial picture and to receive guidance on next steps. This ensures that assistance is not only timely, but also thoughtful and sustainable.
Several factors are considered in determining how relief is given:
- The nature and urgency of the need
- The applicant’s available resources
- The long-term impact and sustainability of support
Support may come in the form of a one-time emergency grant or ongoing assistance for more extended situations. Each case is handled individually, with care taken to tailor support to the specific need. Relief is delivered as quickly and practically as possible—meeting people where they are, when they need it most.
How Your Generosity Changes Lives
Every dollar distributed through the Relief Fund begins as a gift.
Donors make this work possible by giving generously to support pastors, widows, and ministry families they may never meet but with whom they share a deep bond in Christ. These gifts are carefully stewarded by Geneva to ensure both immediate impact and long-term sustainability.
Supporting the Relief Fund is relational, not transactional. To give to the Relief Fund is to participate in the care of the Church. It’s a way of saying, “You are not forgotten.” It’s a tangible expression of gratitude for those who have spent their lives serving others.
The impact of your generosity is literally life-changing:
“My wife and I would not have made it financially for the last few years without the help from the Relief Fund.” -Scott, PCA Pastor
“When I got the call that I was going to be given help, I cried for 20 minutes straight on the phone…It felt like a miracle and that the Lord saw me.” -Jen, Widow
“Without the Relief Fund, I don’t know where I would be. I could very well be homeless. I have no family that can help. I can’t say enough good things about this ministry.” -Kimberlee
Time and again, these gifts become lifelines—helping families stay afloat, covering essential expenses, and providing stability in seasons that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
A Growing Need
As the PCA continues to grow and mature, so do the needs within it.
More pastors are reaching retirement age. More widows are living longer and requiring ongoing care. At the same time, rising healthcare costs and financial pressures are increasing the strain on ministry families.
The need for the Relief Fund is growing.
And with that growth comes an opportunity for the church to respond–to live out its calling as a connected, caring body, and to ensure that those who have faithfully served are, in turn, faithfully supported.
How to Get Involved
At its core, the Relief Fund is a bridge.
It connects those in need with those who are able to give. It reflects a shared commitment to care for one another across churches, cities, and generations. It honors the service of pastors and ministry families by ensuring they are not alone in times of hardship.
“You often don’t know the struggles and trials your pastor, his family, and other ministry workers endure. They often put on a great public face while having many internal struggles and weariness in the ups and downs of hard ministry work. Being able to provide relief is essential for helping those who serve the Lord openly and, in their calling, when they have extraordinary need.” – Relief Fund Monthly Sustainer
This is what it looks like to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). And it is an invitation:
- To pray for those in need
- To give to the Relief Fund as you are able
- To apply for help
As we support one another in times of need, the Church becomes a clearer picture of Christ’s love and care for His people.
Geneva Benefits Group serves those who serve others, providing practical support for the financial, physical, and mental wellbeing of people who work in full-time ministry.
