3 Ways to Show Appreciation for Pastors’ Wives
Pastors’ wives contribute to their husband’s ministries in seen and unseen ways. They sacrifice time and help him bear the burdens of pastoral ministry. But they also have their own unique contributions to the life of the church. Like every Christian, they need to know they are valued and appreciated.
March is Pastors’ Wives Appreciation Month. What’s the best way to help pastors’ wives feel appreciated? It’s an important question so we went directly to the source for an answer. We asked a sample group of pastors’ wives how church members can express appreciation in ways they find encouraging. Here are three common answers they gave us:
1) Get to know her. Before she’s a pastor’s wife, she’s a uniquely and wonderfully made human with her own desires and aspirations. Pastors’ wives find it encouraging when people “Take a sincere interest in me.” Can you name a hobby or activity she enjoys outside of church?
As one pastor’s wife stated, “One of the biggest things is acknowledging and getting to know her individually and valuing who she is.” When you get to know a pastors’ wife, you can make space for the activities she enjoys. If she enjoys running, offer to watch her kids so she can take a long run. You can make her feel valued by discovering what she values!
2) Acknowledge her unseen contributions. She may not be able or interested in planning the women’s retreat, leading a bible study, or coordinating Vacation Bible School. Those things may not align with her gifts and callings or her season of life. And that is okay. As one wife noted, “Every single one of us is different. Try not to compare her to the last one [pastor’s wife] you had at the church. There is a ton of pressure on the senior pastor and wife as compared to others on staff.”
Remember, every pastor’s wife contributes in unseen ways to the life of the church. Her work may not always be visible but it is very real. Pastors’ wives often surrender nights, weekends, and vacations on account of their husband’s ministry. Remember to thank them for their selfless service. “I think I wish I would’ve heard elders say to me that they see me, they appreciate us, that they acknowledge that we give up our husband and family time often.”
3) Respect her need for relationships outside the church. It can be difficult for pastors’ wives to feel truly themselves in the context of their local church. Even when they feel sincerely valued and acknowledged, they may not feel absolutely free to share their personal burdens. A pastor’s wife told us, “I think the place I feel like I can most be myself is either with my friends that are outside of the church, who have known me and lived life with me prior to being a pastor’s wife, other pastors wives who are just as real, or of course family.”
Thankfully, there are multiple resources to provide pastors’ wives with encouragement. A pastor’s wife told us that her “former presbytery women’s ministry had a time for the pastors’ wives to meet together and pray for each other. This was one of my first exposures to other ladies in the same role and it was a powerful time of sharing and prayer. It made me feel less alone to know that other people were struggling with the church or family.”
Multiple wives referenced Wives of Elders (WE), an initiative of the Committee on Discipleship Ministries (CDM). Led by Meaghan May, WE connects and supports PCA elders’ wives for the strengthening of Christ’s Church. They provide cohorts for 1,800 wives across the denomination.
Similarly, Cherish provides affordable and confidential counseling for pastors’ wives. Provided by Geneva Benefits Group, Cherish began because 80% of pastors’ wives indicated in a survey that they would use Christian counseling services if they were accessible. Funding is provided through donations to Geneva’s Relief Fund.
Every church can appreciate and encourage their pastor’s wife. They are appreciated when they are valued for who they truly are and given the opportunity to define their role in the life of the church rather than their role being defined for them.
There’s an old adage: we can never assume what has never been said. March is a great time to go out of our way and acknowledge the contributions of our pastor’s wife.
For more than 50 years, Geneva Benefits Group has been committed to serving those who serve the Church. Established by the PCA General Assembly in 1973, Geneva was entrusted with a clear and enduring mission: to care for pastors, ministry workers, and their families—not just in seasons of flourishing but in moments of real need.
At the heart of that mission is the Relief Fund.
The Relief Fund exists to provide financial assistance and compassionate support to PCA pastors, widows, and ministry families facing hardship. Whether the need arises from illness, loss, or unexpected crisis, the goal is simple: to ensure that those who have given their lives to ministry are not left to carry those burdens alone.
This work is overseen by the Geneva team and guided by people who understand ministry life firsthand. Many on our team are pastors themselves and have spent years walking alongside ministry families. Financial planners, staff members, and committee leaders bring both professional expertise and pastoral care to every situation.
Because behind every application is a real story.
A Thoughtful and Pastoral Application Process
The Relief Fund is available to PCA pastors, widows, and ministry families experiencing financial hardship. The circumstances vary, but often include medical crises, disability, loss of income, or the death of a pastor—leaving a spouse or family navigating both grief and financial uncertainty.
Applying for assistance is designed to be a private, respectful, and pastoral experience. Applicants are invited to share their circumstances in a way that helps Geneva understand both the financial need and the broader context of their situation. Financial information is gathered but always with an emphasis on dignity, confidentiality, and care.
No one is treated like a number. Every application represents a person, a family, and a story that matters.
How Relief Fund Grants Are Prayerfully Distributed
Once an application is submitted, it is carefully reviewed by Geneva’s Financial Assistance Committee. This team includes financial leaders, pastoral staff, and experienced advisors who bring both wisdom and compassion to the process.
Each request is approached with prayerful discernment. In many cases, applicants also meet with a Geneva financial planner to gain a clearer understanding of their financial picture and to receive guidance on next steps. This ensures that assistance is not only timely, but also thoughtful and sustainable.
Several factors are considered in determining how relief is given:
- The nature and urgency of the need
- The applicant’s available resources
- The long-term impact and sustainability of support
Support may come in the form of a one-time emergency grant or ongoing assistance for more extended situations. Each case is handled individually, with care taken to tailor support to the specific need. Relief is delivered as quickly and practically as possible—meeting people where they are, when they need it most.
How Your Generosity Changes Lives
Every dollar distributed through the Relief Fund begins as a gift.
Donors make this work possible by giving generously to support pastors, widows, and ministry families they may never meet but with whom they share a deep bond in Christ. These gifts are carefully stewarded by Geneva to ensure both immediate impact and long-term sustainability.
Supporting the Relief Fund is relational, not transactional. To give to the Relief Fund is to participate in the care of the Church. It’s a way of saying, “You are not forgotten.” It’s a tangible expression of gratitude for those who have spent their lives serving others.
The impact of your generosity is literally life-changing:
“My wife and I would not have made it financially for the last few years without the help from the Relief Fund.” -Scott, PCA Pastor
“When I got the call that I was going to be given help, I cried for 20 minutes straight on the phone…It felt like a miracle and that the Lord saw me.” -Jen, Widow
“Without the Relief Fund, I don’t know where I would be. I could very well be homeless. I have no family that can help. I can’t say enough good things about this ministry.” -Kimberlee
Time and again, these gifts become lifelines—helping families stay afloat, covering essential expenses, and providing stability in seasons that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
A Growing Need
As the PCA continues to grow and mature, so do the needs within it.
More pastors are reaching retirement age. More widows are living longer and requiring ongoing care. At the same time, rising healthcare costs and financial pressures are increasing the strain on ministry families.
The need for the Relief Fund is growing.
And with that growth comes an opportunity for the church to respond–to live out its calling as a connected, caring body, and to ensure that those who have faithfully served are, in turn, faithfully supported.
How to Get Involved
At its core, the Relief Fund is a bridge.
It connects those in need with those who are able to give. It reflects a shared commitment to care for one another across churches, cities, and generations. It honors the service of pastors and ministry families by ensuring they are not alone in times of hardship.
“You often don’t know the struggles and trials your pastor, his family, and other ministry workers endure. They often put on a great public face while having many internal struggles and weariness in the ups and downs of hard ministry work. Being able to provide relief is essential for helping those who serve the Lord openly and, in their calling, when they have extraordinary need.” – Relief Fund Monthly Sustainer
This is what it looks like to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). And it is an invitation:
- To pray for those in need
- To give to the Relief Fund as you are able
- To apply for help
As we support one another in times of need, the Church becomes a clearer picture of Christ’s love and care for His people.
Geneva Benefits Group serves those who serve others, providing practical support for the financial, physical, and mental wellbeing of people who work in full-time ministry.
